You may feel distressed of not getting an ideal partner upon reaching a marriageable age. You may wish you are able to emulate the footsteps of your friends around who may either have tied the knot or even have delivered babies. While you are griping about ‘why am I still single?’ Have you ever thrown to yourself a few questions stated below, which seem to be simple but yet easily be overlooked?
1) Do my friends like me?
If you are being ostracized by your friends around, it may indicate that there is something wrong with your personality. If this is the case, how can you expect someone to be your intimate partner? Before we manage to find a boyfriend or a girlfriend, we have to ensure we are likable among our group of friends first. If you are unsure whether you are charming enough to attract friends, do feel free to download my free e-book “50 Tips to Make People Like You”. In this ebook, I have garnered some personal experience and observation from people around me about ways to attract friends.
2) Am I looking good?
I am not asking whether are you pretty or handsome. There are many blissful couples out there despite their mediocre appearance. The meaning I would like to convey here is, whether are you taking care of your image? Do you always dress up neatly or always display your disheveled and frumpy look? Are you taking care of your personal hygiene? This point is significant as hygienic problems like having “special odour” will repel friends and of course your potential partner.
3) Do I convey a wrong message to others?
Do you inadvertently present your hostile look to people around? Looking hostile can be as easy as without showing your friendly smile. I have a colleague who always appears to be serious as she doesn’t like to smile. This action is indirectly telling people you are not interested in them. Just ask yourself, are you going to be interested in someone who seems to dislike you? This may be one of the wrong messages you disseminate to others. Smile is absolutely free, so don’t be stingy to share it with others.
I would like to quote another example of the wrong message that you may have delivered to others. I have a female friend, June, who tends to have a bad habit of addressing a female friend as ‘girlfriend’. For example, she may tell you, “Today I am going for a shopping date with my girlfriend.” In fact, what she means about the ‘girlfriend’ here is just a female friend. Eventhough June looks pretty feminine, but due to this ‘bad habit’, she radiates the misperception to people around that she is a lesbian eventhough she is not. Due to this reason, she has missed out a lot of ‘opportunities’.
I have ever heard about a story of my friend’s relative, Ling, who likes diamond very much. Even before engaging to her husband, Johnny, she was already wearing a diamond ring. That was why initially Johnny was so prohibitive to have a closer relationship with Ling as he thought she was married. They only started their relationship at their late 20s (nearly 30s) after one of Ling’s friends tried to unveil Ling’s marital status to Johnny. In my opinion, if you are still ’single and available’, try to avoid wearing ring with the purpose of ‘just for fun’. Unless your ring looks fancy enough to avoid people misconceiving it as an engagement ring or wedding ring. Teensy-weensy details like these scenarios may be powerful enough to make you continue staying in the ’single and available’ zone. Hence, they shouldn’t be neglected.
4) Is Something Holding Me Back?
May be there is nothing wrong with your look, your character or your daily habits. May be you are holding yourself back unconsciously. You may be afraid of unsuccessful relationship due to your previous imperfect experience. Are you holding yourself back by constraining your social network? Are you holding yourself back by not transmitting the ‘positive and right’ signal to your potential partner? If yes, you have to face it. Past experience may not necessarily reflect your current situation. Don’t let your emotions keep in leash. Dispel all your niggling fear and be positive!
5) Is now the right timing?
Yes, it may sound a little bit ridiculous to ask this question. But if you have already done everything you need to look for a lifetime partner but still to no avail, then you have to tell yourself, ‘may be now is not the right time for him/her to enter my life.’ Patience plays a very important role at this critical moment.
Few years ago, when I was still single and available, few of my close friends used to tease me, ‘Khew, you will never find a perfect man in the world. Please don’t be too choosy when looking for a partner.” At that time, I didn’t purposely search for a partner, instead I just optimistically told myself the right timing had not reached yet. One day, an old friend (currently my husband) whom I hadn’t seen in a blue moon suddenly called me up. He said he thought of me after watching a TV program where the host resembles me very much. Not sure whether it was the truth or just a ’stupid’ excuse to contact me. After about a month, we clicked and got married after three years. This real story has proved to me that things will come to you automatically when the timing is right.
I truly believe there are some people out there possessing some outstanding qualities that make them so irresistable to the opposite sex. For instance, people who are more outgoing, humorous and good-looking are normally more appealing compared to those who are more introverted and stodgy with an average look. But I always believe that everyone in the world is gifted with a ‘designated’ partner who can ideally fit his/her personality to the other half. It is just a matter of time for them to meet each other.
If you have already gone through introspection and have assured that there is nothing wrong with yourself, then you don’t need to be panic besides telling yourself, ‘the timing is not approaching yet, he/she will come when the timing is right’.
Wish you be extricated from the ’single and available’ category as soon as possible. All the best to you in your future relationship!
